Defining Your Secret
Before we delve into this, I want to ask you to be really gentle with yourself as we take a look at your secrets. I commend you for showing up and being brave enough to start thinking about your secrets. It’s my passion to help you break free from the shame of your secrets so that you can go out and live your very best life. Now—let’s begin to define our secrets.
- Secrets of the Body
Many people keep secrets around their body. These secrets can range from believing you’re fat when you’re not, eating disorders, thinking shamefully about your body, abusing your body, abusing other’s bodies, secret sexual escapades, desires, fetishes, lovers, and more. Secrets around the body are particularly powerful because they speak to the keeper about what they do with the vessel that houses their mind and soul and this plays a powerful role in self-esteem. When a person has a history of having two or more conflicting beliefs about their body, they are vulnerable to all kinds of challenges. This is especially true when people use their body to gain stuff (popularity, attention, fame, money etc.). When a person has secrets of the body, there is often an inner critic running amuck in their mind. This voice of criticism and dissent is often cruel, punishing, and punitive. If you are struggling with this type of secret, the key to breaking free is found in becoming friends with your inner critic.
The first step in this process is distinguishing the voice of your inner critic from the voice of truth. If you struggle with this, write down your hamster wheel of thoughts. Look at them and then ask yourself is this 100% true. When you crack the interior of your inner critic, your world will change because your subconscious will shift. It takes practice, but this process enables you to grab hold of the negative thoughts and challenge them. By first discovering how to separate the truth from the inner critic, you can then begin leveraging the inner critic and its critical nature for good, eradicating the negative inner dialogue and replacing it with a more nurturing one.
- Secrets of the Mind & The Trap of Thinking Small
I work with a lot of people and almost all of them have one thing in common, the trap of thinking small. Secrets have a way of doing that to a person’s soul. These secrets trap their keeper in the mistaken belief of “if the world only knew who you really were.” When that inner monologue begins to run, it’s unstoppable.
Secrets of the mind are particularly powerful because the tell stories like, “you’re never good enough”, “good girls don’t do things like that”, “stop wishing, dreaming, hoping your life away, things will never change.” These secrets act like a trap door holding a person down with their own negative thoughts.
Secrets of the mind also include your private thoughts. There are things that you think about that you don’t want anyone to know. Opinions that you have on hot topics. Things that you believe you would be judged for if you told the truth. I want to ask you, why is your truth bad? Why don’t you deserve to have it as much as another person gets to have something in opposition to it?
When we break free from secrets of the mind we can finally stand for ourselves without standing against anyone else. For this secret I want you to explore the inner fears that are holding you back. Why are you playing small? What would really happen if people knew the truth? When you can admit that to yourself, you break free from your story and open up possibilities that lie in front of you if you are brave enough to claim your life.
- Secrets of the Other and Trying to Belong
I think that everyone can relate to keeping this kind of secret. This secret is hatched in the mistaken belief that other people have it better than we do. That they know more than us. That they are better, more talented, more liked, more everything. How many times have you thought that your life doesn’t match up to someone else’s? It’s the grass is greener syndrome, right? The imposter syndrome. The FOMO – Fear of Missing Out Syndrome—all rolled into one. I know I have experienced these things on more than one occasion. I have compared what I am going through and how messy my insides feel to someone else’s outsides. I have felt less than, not good enough, not a part of and like I didn’t fit.
What are your secrets of other and wanting to belong? Where have you turned yourself into a pretzel to be included? What are you hiding from others now because you feel like you aren’t good enough as you are? Write it down, face it and let it go.
You are good enough and will find your people when you love authentically instead of trying to keep up with others and what you think you have to be. People who struggle with this secret are chronically lonely. They make decisions and choices based on fear of being alone and left out.
To break free, you have to move out of the secrets around missing out and not being good enough and move into your truth that your way of living matters. You count just as the way you are, even if you’re imperfect. And those imperfections are the things that make you more likeable anyway.
Living an authentic life, or at least really trying to, is probably one of the most challenging things you will ever do. Authenticity is living a life that makes you feel good about the person you are. We aren’t going to be everyone’s cup of tea but, we are going to find our tribe and our people if we are being authentic. If not, we run the risk of being lonely and feeling not good enough our entire lives.
When you lean into who you are and stop trying to live up to the expectations of others, you can exhale. You can stop wasting your time pretending and start living. Freeing yourself from secrets of the other and trying to belong will build your self-esteem and will help you find your purpose. We were all made for such a time as this as individuals. If you are living inauthentically and trying to keep up with the Joneses, you may rob the world of the gift that you were intended to bring. I encourage you to take a chance and to give yourself a shot to get to know yourself. It might be scary, and the way people see you or react to you may change, but in the end, you will stop being in conflict about how you are supposed to act because you will finally be able to just be. And that is more than enough.
If you’re ready to begin letting go of your secrets and living your very best life, schedule your free 30-minute consultation with me today. Don’t forget to join the Shine on Purpose Facebook group so you can join me on Facebook live for authentic conversations about life and personal growth.