We all have secrets. Every single one of us has a secret we’re holding that keeps us in the shadow of small living. Secrets deliver a one-two-three punch. The first swing is the secret action, which becomes “the secret;” the second jab is the false story that you now tell yourself about who you are because of the secret action and the secret (e.g., I am the worst kind of worst because I had an affair and, therefore, am inherently untrustworthy for life), and the knock-out punch is the why behind the secret action—ultimately the” big secret” (e.g., childhood conditioning and faulty wiring taught you low self-esteem and the belief there isn’t enough love to go around for you). It’s exhausting living life in the boxing ring.
I created the Secret-Breaking SystemTM because one didn’t exist when I needed it most. When I was 26 years old, I nearly stabbed my husband in the middle of a church because I was out of my mind and driven by frustration and fear. I’m a put-together woman with a professional career, accolades, and a family. But in that moment, I was a little girl, triggered by feelings of abandonment and the collective weight of my secrets. I was an A-class secret keeper and almost missed out on my great big life. And I am not alone. Millions of women are suffering from the shame of their secrets, confused about their value, and unaware that what drew them to create secrets in the first place was inevitable.
Here’s just a handful of secrets I’ve heard from hundreds of women in my professional and personal life as a Master Certified Coach, trainer and mentor:
- Hooked up with the UPS guy in the storage closet at work.
- Made up employment or degree on a resume.
- Secret crush on the boss.
- Embezzled money from the workplace.
- Body shaming.
- Lied so that someone wouldn’t be mad.
- The abortion.
- Shoplifted.
- The threesome.
- The drunk night in jail.
- Taking antidepressants.
- Had a crush on your best friend’s boyfriend or husband. (come on ladies, all of us?!)
- And on and on and on.
Large or small, silly or serious, we’ve all been conditioned to hide our secrets. And
we let them define us. We lean into our secrets, the story, the drama, the shame
and get comfortable. Our dirty little secrets are serious business because they have
tentacles that lead to keeping more secrets so that we can keep ourselves from
public embarrassment and shame.
No matter how we hide our secrets, we are left to manage their side effects; the lies
that they tell us about who we are because of what we’ve done, the way they make us
feel and behave, and the way they inevitably, keep us isolated or playing small in one
or more area of life.
We may think that we have a handle on our secrets and that we’ve compartmentalized
them so that they aren’t hurting us or anyone else, but we are wrong. They
bleed over, stack up, and take up mental storage, leaving us with no extra room or
capacity. This book is an anthem for you, and all women who are ready to break
free from the shame they’ve been holding because of their secrets. It is an antidote
to give voice to the truth. It is a gong of encouragement to end the cycle of secret-
keeping, shame, and small living.
