Ever catch yourself reacting in a way that feels out of proportion?
- Short-tempered. Checked out. Snappy. Shut down.
- You tell yourself, What is wrong with me?
- But there may be nothing wrong—except that you forgot to HALT.
HALT is a simple acronym used in coaching, therapy, and recovery spaces because it gets to the root of so many difficult moments. It stands for:
- Hungry
- Angry
- Lonely
- Tired
These four states make us more reactive, less patient, and far more likely to misinterpret what’s happening around us. We stop responding with intention and start operating from depletion.
A few weeks ago, I had one of those days. Something had happened with one of my kids—something that hit a nerve and left me simmering.
It wasn’t just what happened in the moment. It was the meaning I gave it. The fear. The frustration. The old stories about what it says about me as a parent.
I didn’t deal with it. I powered through. Or at least I tried. But underneath the surface, the anger was still there.
So when my husband asked me a totally innocent question, I snapped. Sharp words, sharp tone. Not my proudest moment.
That’s when I remembered HALT.
Hungry? I hadn’t eaten much that day.
Angry? Absolutely. Still carrying that emotional weight.
Lonely? Yes. I’d been so focused on managing everyone else, I hadn’t connected with anyone for me.
Tired? Definitely. It had been a long week.
I wasn’t just overwhelmed. I was unbalanced. And I needed to pause.
So I did.
I made myself something to eat.
I texted a friend just to say hi.
And I gave myself ten minutes to sit outside and breathe.
It didn’t magically solve everything, but it helped me recalibrate.
I softened.
I became more present.
And I could show up for my family without the edge I had been carrying.
Next time you’re feeling off, HALT and check in with yourself:
HALT Self-Check
HUNGRY
☐ Did I skip a meal or survive on caffeine?
☐ What would actually nourish me right now?
ANGRY
☐ What am I frustrated about?
☐ Is there something I haven’t said—or something I need to acknowledge?
LONELY
☐ Have I had real connection today?
☐ Who could I reach out to for a few minutes of human-to-human contact?
TIRED
☐ How’s my energy level—physically and emotionally?
☐ Have I had real rest, or just numbing?
Choose one small action to shift your state:
- Eat something nourishing
- Move your body or emotions
- Text or call someone
- Take a 10-minute pause—no guilt, no apology
You don’t need a total reset. Just a moment of reconnection.
It doesn’t mean you’re falling apart.
It means you’re paying attention.
Let’s stop pretending we’re machines.
Let’s check in with what’s real—so we can respond with what’s true.
With you,
Gretchen
