Somewhere along the way, many of us learned that being loved meant being less.
We said “it’s okay” when it wasn’t.
We smiled through things that hurt.
We made ourselves small to keep things smooth.
I know I did.
I used to believe I had to accept sarcastic digs to feel close to someone.
I thought I had to tolerate unacceptable behavior because “that’s just how they are.”
I convinced myself crumbs were enough—when I was starving for the loaf.
And what I didn’t realize then was that I was shrinking.
What is shrinking?
Shrinking is:
- Saying yes when you mean no.
- Agreeing because it’s easier than creating conflict.
- Silencing your truth because you’re afraid it won’t be received.
- Convincing yourself not to ask for what you want, because you assume you won’t get it.
- Avoiding your desires and needs to stay “likeable” or keep the peace.
- Going to the job you no longer want because change feels terrifying.
- Doing everything for everyone else and holding a silent resentment.
- And with every one of those choices, you disappear a little more.
But here’s the truth:
You’re allowed to unlearn that.
You’re allowed to speak plainly.
To stop earning love through silence.
To take up space.
To need.
To want.
To be “too much.”
Try This Exercise: The “Too Much” Inventory
Take 10 minutes to journal your answers:
Where in your life are you saying “yes” when you mean “no”?
What conversations are you avoiding to keep the peace?
What needs are you minimizing or denying altogether?
Where are you holding silent resentment—and what is it trying to tell you?
Now ask yourself this:
If I trusted I could ask for what I need and be safe, what would I say?
Let that truth rise. You don’t have to act on it yet. But you do have to listen.
