I once had a friendship that, on the surface, seemed great. Our families spent time together, we shared laughs, and there were moments that felt like real connection. But underneath, there were also patterns that hurt—subtle dismissals, times when my feelings didn’t seem to matter, moments when I went along with things just to keep the peace. Instead of asking for what I needed, I accepted what was given, even when it was less than what I truly wanted.
Why?
Because, deep down, I held onto a belief planted in childhood: something is better than nothing.
The Emotional Starvation Cycle
It’s easy to see this pattern in relationships, whether romantic, familial, or friendships. We stay in dynamics that don’t fully nourish us because we’re afraid that asking for more will push people away. We settle for the crumbs of attention, affection, or validation because it feels safer than facing the possibility of loss.
But let’s call this what it really is: emotional starvation.
If you were truly hungry, and someone only gave you a few crumbs of bread, would that satisfy you? Of course not. Yet, when it comes to our emotional needs, many of us accept those scraps and convince ourselves it’s enough. We make excuses, rationalize, and tell ourselves, At least I have this. At least they’re here.
But at what cost?
Why We Accept Less Than We Deserve
There are many reasons we tolerate emotional breadcrumbs:
- Fear of abandonment – If I ask for more, will they leave?
- Low self-worth – Maybe this is all I deserve.
- Avoiding discomfort – Change is hard, and at least this is familiar.
- Not knowing how to ask – I’ve never been taught how to advocate for my needs.
We don’t get what we want or need in relationships not because it’s impossible, but because we don’t ask for it. Or worse, we don’t believe we have the right to.
Shifting from Scarcity to Abundance
The first step in breaking this cycle is recognition. Ask yourself:
- Where am I accepting less than I truly desire?
- What am I afraid will happen if I ask for more?
- What belief is keeping me stuck?
For me, realizing that I equated “something is better than nothing” with emotional survival was a game-changer. I had to unlearn that belief and replace it with a new truth: I am worthy of full, abundant, mutual relationships.
When I let go of that friendship, it hurt. But in releasing it, I made space for relationships where I didn’t have to beg for scraps—I was met at the table with a full meal.
What About You?
If you’re reading this and nodding along, I invite you to get curious about where you might be settling for less. If you’ve been accepting breadcrumbs, consider this your sign to ask for the whole meal. You deserve it.
With love,
Gretchen
