When we think of secrets, we typically think of the shameful, bad things that we’ve done.
For some people, it’s the money they stole off the top of the cash register or lying on their resume, cheating, having an abortion, and so forth.
Yes, the action is one part of the secret, also known as the secret action. But, the second part of the secret, which is really the most damaging, is the story that you then tell yourself about who you are.
It’s the self-imposed labels of being ‘bad,’ ‘shameful,’ or ‘not enough’ because of the actions we’ve taken in the past. These tales shape our self-talk, dictating how we engage in relationships and navigate life’s challenges long before the initial action ends.
The secret, the thing you fear the most, becomes your identity. It shapes your life.
We don’t introduce ourselves with, “Hey, I’m Name, and I’ve harbored certain beliefs that shaped my past.” Yet, these silent convictions often filter all our current interactions. They typically sprout from environments fostering restraint, where feelings were avoided and upsetting the status quo was off-limits.
To unlock and become free of your secrets, you need to dive into why your secrets were developed in the first place.
What happened in the past that triggered these self-imposed narratives and beliefs to make you believe this is how you must act?
Hint: It almost always has to do with our security and how we receive love, adoration, and safety. We do these things because our family system called for it, and we wouldn’t have fit in otherwise.
Secrets aren’t just the things you’ve done but the layers buried below the surface. To overcome the shame around our secrets, we need to do the work to understand the effects and narratives surrounding the narratives that were born from our secrets.
To learn how to unlock your Dirty Little Secrets, check out my book: Break Free from Your Dirty Little Secrets: A New You in 10 Secret-Breaking Stages.