I messed up!
Okay, okay, so I am a little bit behind. I didn’t send out a new year, new you or a happy new year/new decade email. I didn’t tell you to think about your goals for 2020 and to write them down. I didn’t tell you that this would be your decade or give you a list of inspirational quotes to read to make you feel pumped up. I’m a coach. It’s my job to do these things. And I didn’t.
It isn’t because I don’t love or care about you. It isn’t because I don’t want you to succeed or to set your 2020 goals. The reason I didn’t is because this year, I am letting go of all of the “shoulds.” I don’t know about you, but I have lived a lifetime full of “shoulds.” I should go to college, get married, have kids, have a career, volunteer at the PTA, host sleepovers, get my nails done, open a business, host parties, get a new wardrobe, stop wearing black, start wearing black, stop eating carbs (complete fail), stop eating sugar (didn’t even try), lose five pounds, get a different car, get a dog (epic fail), get a cat, get a better attitude, set intentions, set goals, and do, do, do. And you know what, I did most of those things and yet… I didn’t get the feeling that I thought I would checking off my “should” list would bring.
If I’m honest, I want to be a person instead of a resume. There have been times that I’ve felt empty after reaching the next goal on my list. I’ve spent time chasing the next thing, the next accolade, the next whatever to look good and feel good, and maybe for a moment, it’s felt that way but it has never lasted long. It happened to me in 2019 when I got my Master Certified Coach designation. I was so proud of myself! It is a HUGE accomplishment. I hit it in record time. I was over-the-moon excited about it for about a week and then it was like, “what comes next?”
Do you ever ask yourself that? What comes next? Is this it? Really? Is it? I have the house, the kids, the husband, the car, the vacations, the titles, and yet… I want more. I’m not saying that I’m not grateful for these things. I would get into a knife fight for my family if I had too. I feel beyond blessed that my husband and I have spent 21 New Year’s together. I am elated that I have a solid relationship with my kids. I wouldn’t’ give any of those things up – ever. But, on the other side of that, I have given things up. I have given up some of my real dreams. The things that I want because of an either/or mentality.
This year, I am going to stand for the AND. I can have my great, big fabulous life AND I can have the other things that I want that make me scared, that will be hard, that I might not be good at, too.
This year I didn’t write the new year/new you/let’s do this 2020 newsletter because I was busy. I had always wanted to feed the homeless on Christmas Eve – and not at a soup kitchen. I wanted to cook them a turkey dinner and plate it up and go and find the people in my neighborhood, not on skid row, but the ones that I see every day and look them in the eyes and help. So, I did. My family and I cooked the turkey and the side dishes, coordinated getting blankets and coats from the neighbors and loaded it all into our car, and went to find them. The next time I was going to write the newsletter but didn’t, I was making a vision board for myself. Not as a workshop or a way to make money, but for me. The next time I thought of it, I was busy with my son, who I went and spent 3 hours with at DMV (with an appointment) so that he could get his driver’s permit.
I felt guilty every time I didn’t write to you to tell you how to frame up your goals while I was living my life instead.
So, here it is, ladies and gentlemen. Here is my earth-shattering advice. This year, I want you to stop living and doing the “shoulds.” I want you to stand for the AND. Make your AND list. You can have all of the things that your blessed life already has AND you can have more.
Here is what I am committing to doing that I haven’t before. I will have to let go of a lot of shoulds to do these things:
- Doing less
- Writing my book – this scares the heck out of me – but I am committing to it
- Creating a women’s retreat in January in the mountains
- Peace – inner peace. Peace in my relationships. Peace with how I feel in the world. Peace in how I feel.
- Be able to push up into a wheel in yoga
- Help each person who is in front of me by truly listening
- Say no to the things I don’t want to do
I don’t want to look back at my life and realize that I didn’t do the one thing. The one thing that was for me. The one thing that I really wanted to do. The one thing that I know I was meant for but knew it would take up a lot of time and be hard. But that one thing, might just be the thing that I will finally feel in a different way than I have felt the other things. What is your one thing? Mine is the book. It always has been, since I was seven. My guess is that you have your own thing that you have thought about but haven’t taken action on.
This year if you want to start working towards your one thing and learn how to let go of your “should” list so that you can replace it with your real list. The list of things that require you to be more authentic, more focused on you, more vulnerable, more real, and more at peace, then I encourage you to join me for a 2-day group VIP experience where we will create your real 2020 life list. It’s time to let ourselves off the hooks. You’ve proved that you can do the “shoulds” now it’s time to stand for the AND to create the life you really want. Please email me for details.
And PS- Happy 2020! May this be your best year yet! Love you, mean it.