#AskGretchen September 2016: Daughter-in-Law Blues, Bedbug Isolation, Building Business, and Letting Go

#Ask Gretchen; Let's get real.Dear Gretchen: My daughter-in-law says she loves me, but she never comes to my house. She says it’s not my housekeeping or anything like that. I feel disappointed. Am I too sensitive? — Left out mom, Reseda, CA

Dear Left Out: Feelings are feelings. You aren’t being too sensitive, and it’s okay to feel disappointed.  To grow your relationship, let the location of where you see one another go. Meet her at places where you’re both comfortable. Taking the pressure off may be the very thing she needs to get the courage to tell you why she doesn’t want to come to your house. And who knows, when you take the invitation off the table, she just might end up at your doorstep. — Gretchen

Dear Gretchen: I am a senior living in a low-income rental. The building is polluted with bedbugs. The good news is, they are coming to spray.  My grandson is six-years-old, and my daughter is keeping him away from me because she doesn’t want him to come to the house due to the bedbugs. I live alone and am so lonely. I love my grandson.  Should I insist that he come anyway? — Itchy in Montreal, Quebec, Canada

Dear Itchy: Bedbugs are hard to get rid of. Your daughter is being responsible keeping her son out of an environment where he could get bit and even possibly carry the critters home. I’m sorry that you’re lonely. Ask your daughter to bring your grandson to see you at a nearby park, library, or restaurant so that you can have some time together.  If she doesn’t want you around him at all until the bedbug infestation is eradicated, assure her that you are willing to do all that you can to make sure that you don’t carry the pests with you when you visit. Give her a change of your clothes to wash and keep at her house for you to wear when you visit or have her bring them when she meets you away from your apartment. Your daughter loves you and is trying to do what is best for the family. She is caught between a rock and a hard spot. Make it easy for her to say yes, by actively finding solutions to the problem at hand. In the meantime, if you are in need of company, visit your local Senior Center for companionship. Good luck! — Gretchen


Dear Gretchen: What is the most effective way to establish and build business partnerships? — Rayne Writes, Riverside, CA

Dear Rayne: You’ve heard the saying, It takes a village. This same theory applies to building business partnerships. Having an active community is the most effective way to establish successful partnerships and giving is the foundational cornerstone. The interconnections you make will expose you to ideas, contacts, and opportunities that you could never create on your own. Networking and planting roots within relationships where you are transparent, open, and direct will help you to reach your next level of success. Organizations that you are interested in on a personal, business, or political level are a good place to start when building community. — Gretchen


Dear Gretchen: I am a divorced woman in my 40’s back out on the dating scene and met a man who I thought was wonderful.  He matched me in connection, positivity, expressiveness, openness, communication as well as our desire for having a relationship.  After a couple of weeks in, and both appearing to be open and vulnerable, acknowledging verbally how awesome it was that we met, he ghosted me cold turkey never to hear from him again.  It is baffling and cruel.  How do I restore myself to a positive space and let go?  — Tough to Let Go, Studio City

Dear Tough to Let Go: Man’s rejection is God’s protection. You might not ever know the reason why Mr. Wonderful ghosted you. The truth is, it doesn’t matter. His character and inability to show up were a gift to you that potentially saved you from worse heartache. To restore yourself to a positive space I recommend that you start doing things that you truly enjoy. Take extra care with yourself. Check in to see what you need. Write a list of 25 things that you like about yourself and read it every day. Keep it in your wallet or on your phone so that when the negative thoughts start, you can reset and pick yourself up. If you can’t come up with 25 ask your friends and family to help. Feeling your worth and stepping into your light by enjoying who you truly are will be all the restoration you need. Remember, heartache takes time to heal. Be easy on yourself. — Gretchen

Love insights in your inbox? Get them direct from Gretchen’s desk.