Dear Gretchen: A lot of people tell me I need to ‘pressure’ my boyfriend to propose. They think that guys need to be ‘pushed’. What’s your take? – Waiting for a ring in Los Angeles, CA
Dear Waiting: Like Beyonce said, “If he liked it then he would have put a ring on it.” If a man wants to be with you, he won’t need pushing. You deserve to be with someone who loves and values you enough to take the next step on his own. If you push him into it, you will always wonder if he would have made the leap on his own. Ultimatums can lead to heartache and can be a set up for divorce. If you feel like you and your man aren’t on the same page, it’s time to put on your big girl panties and talk about where the relationship is going. If you’re too scared to be that vulnerable, it’s a good indicator that neither of you is ready to say I do. – Gretchen
Dear Gretchen: What’s the best way to help a negative person? Should I be frank and mention how they come across to others or ignore it and hope that someday they find a way to change their negativity? I work with a lot of entrepreneurs and can almost always tell which ones will end up defeating themselves with their negative vibe. – Positive in Northridge, CA
Dear Positive: It’s a scientific fact that the human brain is wired to scan for trouble to keep us from harm. Looking for potential problems is the brain’s way of protecting us. Negativity is a form of fear. When you encounter a negative person, an excellent tool to use is redirecting. Asking questions like, “Did anything good come out of it?” and “ What’s the best case scenario?” are pattern interrupts that often allow the person to shift their energy from the problem to the solution. If negativity seems to be an actual character flaw in someone you know, and you are in a position to offer help, you can tactfully tell the person that you’ve noticed that they seem fearful of certain situations and that it appears to be getting in the way of their success. Sharing an experience you’ve had with negativity and the tools you’ve used to move through obstacles to solutions just might be the antidote needed to evoke change. – Gretchen
Dear Gretchen: Do you think it’s important that your significant other (most likely future spouse) know about your entire sexual history? – Wondering what’s best in Santa Monica, CA
Dear Wondering: While honesty is the best policy, when it comes to sex, it’s better to give information on a need to know basis. If your partner asks about your past, be truthful, but leave out the hot and heavy details. Answer the questions posed in a loving way. If you have an STD, it’s important to share this information before having an intimate relationship. No matter how good the sex, no one appreciates finding out, they may contract an unwanted gift they can’t return after the deed is done. Put yourself in your partner’s shoes (or should I say sheets) and use caution and care when sharing those intimate details. – Gretchen
Dear Gretchen: I work very hard and still always feel like I’m two-steps behind. How do I keep up with my hectic schedule without making myself miserable? Drowning in Derby, Kansas
Dear Drowning: If you want to come up for air, you have to be willing to let go. We are a society that is addicted to being busy. Getting ahead, keeping up, and surviving have become the new standard. It’s no wonder we burn out. If your schedule is making you miserable, it’s time to take an honest look at what you’re doing and why. I encourage you to start saying no to requests when your schedule is full and to start saying yes to yourself. You deserve to have time to do things that rejuvenate you. Make a list of everything you are responsible for, the things you have to do, the places you have to be, the people who count on you and ask yourself which things you really care about. Let go of the things that you don’t. Find people who can help you carry the load. If you feel like you have to do it all yourself, that’s just your ego filling you up with over inflated importance. The truth is, staying busy keeps us from looking at ourselves. What are you afraid you might find? – Gretchen
Have a question? #AskGretchen. Life, Love, Business, Career, Relationships, Money, Sex Parenting, Friendships – all topics are welcome. #AskGretchen is a free service and anonymous. Tweet me @AnyLengthsCoach, message me on Facebook, or email me!
I hope you liked today’s column. I look forward to answering your questions.
Any Lengths Life Coaching
Have a question? #AskGretchen. Life, Love, Business, Career, Relationships, Money, Sex Parenting, Friendships – all topics are welcome. #AskGretchen is a free service and anonymous.