When I was in my twenties, I used to think happiness meant being right. I had an answer for everyone, about what they should and shouldn’t do with their life and would offer it up whether they asked me or not. I truly believed my answers were best and thought people were making the wrong choice if they didn’t act on what I’d offered.
Looking back, I know the advice I offered, although mostly sound, was derived from selfishness and fear of how the outcome would ultimately affect me. My level of discomfort directed my actions and reactions and shielded me from stepping into my own greatness. I could use what other people had and hadn’t done as an excuse not to live my life. And, the funny thing is, even when people did take my suggestions it didn’t make me any happier. My skin still didn’t fit right.
As a coach, I walk a fine line of asking and offering. My job is to help my clients discover their answers that are buried deeply within them. I am very careful not to tell my clients what I think is best. Thinking that I have the solution for a client is dangerous. And here’s the thing, my clients want to know what I think. They pay me to help them get clarity. But clarity isn’t in the telling. It’s in the asking and discovering. Every single one of us knows intuitively what is best for our life. We have our answers. Sometimes we just need help accessing them. I am trusted to ask my clients provocative questions to help them think about their best course of action. I help them cut through the story and get to the heart of the matter so that they can move forward. I am interested in learning why a situation scares them, what they are getting from it, and what’s underneath it. The noise and the frame rarely are as important as learning how life would be different if they could let a belief around the story go and who they are with and without it.
The keys to happiness are not about arranging the players in my life so that I’m comfortable or right. On the contrary, my keys to happiness today are about letting go of others and letting them find their answers. They’re about forgiveness and giving up resentments and past disappointments that keep me in place and make my world small. If I am guarded, I am missing an opportunity to live well. Lightening up, having a sense of humor, adopting the belief that good enough is good enough all strengthen my happiness muscle.
I encourage you to take a look at what’s keeping you from your happiness. What fear, limiting belief, roadblock or old patterns are getting in your way? What do you need to do right here, right now to get out of your own way?
Today I know that being right and being happy are different. I can only be right for me. And I know that your truth is right for you. Happiness is waiting. It’s time for you to go get it.
Be well,
Gretchen Hydo
Any Lengths Life Coaching
