I have to tell you something that happened right before Thanksgiving, and honestly, you might laugh because it is SO classic “holiday energy.”
You know when you try to do the new, healthy thing…
and somehow it creates more chaos than the old pattern ever did?
Yeah. That was me. I’ve been practicing asking for more help, not because I can’t do things, but because I’m finally admitting I don’t always want to do everything. Especially around the holidays, when the errands, emotions, and expectations multiply like they’re on steroids.
So this year, instead of going into superhero mode, I tried something different.
I asked my stepdad, who’s 83, if he could grab a few items from Costco for Thanksgiving. My mom hasn’t been feeling well, my brother is back home recovering from being hit by a car, and I was driving 350 miles with my family. The timing was tight, the store would be packed, and I thought…
This is reasonable. This is me not over-functioning.
And within minutes? Chaos. Stress. Confusion. Everyone a little overwhelmed.
And me feeling like I had somehow done something wrong, like I’d added to my mom’s load when she was already stretched thin.
That old childhood feeling kicked in fast:
“I’m in trouble.”
“I shouldn’t have asked.”
“I should’ve just handled it myself.”
And here’s the important part, because this is where the real growth happened:
Instead of shutting down, over-functioning, or slipping back into old rules… I adjusted. I took the request back. Not because they weren’t willing, they were, but because I could see it was too much for them.
So I reached out to my cousin.
And I was nervous asking her. We even joked about it, the two of us laughing about our family system, the unspoken rules, and the shared fear of “putting a burden” on someone else. I wasn’t entirely comfortable asking, but she’s a safe person, and honestly, it was healing to talk about those invisible expectations out loud with someone who gets it.
When she said yes, I believed her.
And then, of course, I worried it was too much anyway. But this time, I let it go. She handled it.
It was easy. Done.
And I realized something:
Practicing a new pattern doesn’t always feel good at first. Sometimes it shakes the system, yours and everyone else’s. But that doesn’t mean it wasn’t the right move. It just means you’re unlearning the old rules.
The Rules We Don’t Realize We Follow
The holidays have a way of exposing the invisible rules we’ve been living under:
- Don’t ask for help.
- Don’t complain.
- Don’t be a burden.
- Don’t make waves.
- Don’t inconvenience anyone.
- Don’t need anything.
- Handle it yourself.
These rules don’t just apply to women, men feel them too, deeply.
But they tend to show up differently:
- Be strong.
- Be steady.
- Be capable.
- Be calm.
- Be the rock.
- Be the one who protects, holds, delivers.
And by December? We’re all tired of the costumes.
A December Practice:
Choose One Rule You’re Ready to Break. Not all of them. Just one.
Ask yourself:
- Where am I still performing a role I’ve outgrown?
- Which rule is keeping me overextended or disconnected?
- What small thing would be easier if I let someone help me?
Then try a shift:
– Ask for support before you hit your limit
– Delegate one holiday task
– Say yes when someone offers help
– Say no to something you don’t want to do
– Rest, even when your brain says you “should” be doing more
– Let someone else take the lead
– Tell the truth instead of pretending you’re fine
Small breaks in old rules create big openings for connection.
A Gift for You
Because I know how much this season holds, the love, the pressure, the expectations, I want to give you something that actually helps you reset before we step into a new year:
A complimentary 60-minute End-of-Year Deep Dive + 2026 Planning Session.
My gift to you. No fee. No pressure. Just space.
We’ll explore:
– What worked in 2025
– What didn’t
– What you wanted but didn’t create space for
– What you’re ready to release
– And how to build 2026 based on who you are becoming, not who you’ve had to be
If you want to walk into the new year clearer, lighter, and more grounded, you can schedule your session here:
You don’t have to keep the old rules this season. You don’t have to carry the holiday responsibilities alone. You don’t have to be the strong one just because you always have been. You get to ask. You get to adjust. You get to be supported.
Much love,
Gretchen
